I had a moment about 6 years ago that changed my life forever. I was standing on the balcony of a crappy hotel in Jackson, Mississippi after a baseball game when I played pro ball with the Pensacola Pelicans. I just pitched a great 9th inning, striking out 2 and getting the third guy to ground out on a nasty slider. I felt good about myself, happy that I was playing professional baseball and doing really well. I wasn't making lots of money, I knew it was a long shot to get to the level where I'd be on TV making millions, but I loved the game and was so proud to be where I was. But I was standing there talking to my Dad on the phone and it just hit me: I didn't want to play anymore. It wasn't a gradual thing in my mind, I just opened my eyes and saw my life completely differently all of a sudden. Interestingly enough, about 2 weeks later I was put on waivers and when I had the opportunity to sign on with another team, I decided to give up that contract and get a little more involved in personal training through the winter before deciding if baseball would be something I'd pursue for the next season. I got a contract offer from a team in the mid-West, and after mulling it over for a couple weeks, chose to move to a new passion in my life.
Looking back at that moment is so strange to me becuase I was more obsessed with baseball than anything else in the world for as long as I could remember. Since then I have honestly never met another person who loved and respected the game at the level that I did, even the ones I know who play at the highest levels. So how the hell could I just walk out of a hotel room, after a great game at that, and just not want to be doing it any more? Well, after having this same sort of thing happen to me in other realms of my life, and hearing others talk about this same sort of thing happen to them with the same amount of curiosity, I have done what I do when my brain is at work: try to figure things out.
It's never something that happens in a moment. It is always a process that occurs somewhere in your mind over a long, long time. But here's why you don't know it until it just hits you. Becuase you love the damn thing! It could be your work, your relationship, a friend, a house you're living in, a location, a food, anything. You can't just wake up one day and hate something you've loved for longer than you can remember, it just doesn't work like that. What it is is a moment, and then a sequence of moments that slowly change your mind at a subconscious level. And because you have so much positive emotional attachment to whatever this thing is, you deny the negativity. And you keep neglecting it as it builds until one day you just can't hide it anymore and you realize you don't want this thing in your life.
How do you fix this? Well, first off, I don't actually think this is a bad thing. It's a really, really good thing to be so passionate about something that you don't ever want to lose it. And while it's a negative in my opinion to neglect emotions (even if unconciously), you can make up for this expected ignorance by taking the time after the fact to break down the process. Start working backwards, start tracing your steps back, thinking of the good things and the bad things, being honest (like really freaking honest, because if you're not honest, you really won't learn all that much about yourself), and if you allow yourself this time you will eventually realize how long your negativity towards this thing has lasted. I will guarantee that it'll be a pretty eye-opening experience to realize how stubborn we all are when it comes to holding on to things we love. And I have no intention of convincing all of you to not love things with all your heart out of fear you might lose it, in fact, I think the total opposite There is nothing in the world more amazing than loving something with all your heart. All I am learning through all this is that you need to just continue to be honest with yourself at all times. If at any moment you feel doubts about the things you love, don't deny those thoughts and emotions. Take the time to try to sit with them and figure out what they mean and why they are there. And if you allow yourself to be more aware about this sort of thing, perhaps you'll be able to avoid that sudden, and usually kind of harsh realization that you just don't want it anymore. And the more honest you are with yourself on a regular basis, and the more in touch with your emotions you are, the easier it will be to love things and bring them into your life -- and know that you don't love things and keep them away from your life.
The takeaway here is that you should always take the time to learn how YOU work. Everything in your life, and I mean EVERYTHING will become better when you are more in touch with yourself. So stop pushing your mind aside because you'd be wasting an incredibly impressive machine that literally controls everything you do.
Deep stuff from me tonight, it's just one of those nights. Have some training stuff to get to next wek, so it'll be a little more light-hearted!
Never Stop, GET FIT.
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